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INFJ – In neurotic Fear, Joe

So I did one of those ‘personalty’ things and got INFJ.

Basically the world is saying ‘be a medic’ but I’m afraid.

Afraid I’ll fail and won’t even get in – then what.

Afraid that I won’t be able to cope due to my health issues (Physician heal thyself)

– ‘So Mr Blobby, you need to loose weight’

Mr Blobby: have you looked in a mirror recently?


bloobyblobby blobbeeee!!!!

As a generalisation I can’t *stand* student medics – most of them seem to be preppy overachievers, and any accusation of jealously at their success can be quickly dispelled by the fact that they’re generally pretty privileged, always well dressed (though exactly the same) and good looking coupled with a lack of imagination. #bittermuch

The time and cost – ties into it being intensive.

Work afterwards – how far will I need to move?

Stress/coping – will I be unable to cope?

Then again if I don’t try I won’t know. The one advantage of part time flexi-working is that I will be able to work around any part time course or study or other experience that I’ll need to do.

180 while running away!

So life has thrown a bit of a curve ball .. my job is being re-framed to suit my specific talents of which ‘writing’ is apparently a strength. This means reduced hours to 3 days a week incl flexi-time/work at home etc. It might not be a bad thing due to health, stress and maintaining interesting in the job position.

It also gives me 2 days to work on my :

  • 9 Man Blues Band ‘Joe-Joe and the Spiders’
  • International Drug Dealing Cartel
  • Plan for World Domination

Or something more sensible like moonlight as an ad hoc technical writer or similar lone ranger.

Life is suffering…

According to the Buddha anyway. Which kind of sucks frankly. This ties into the WHO’s latest drive to combat suicide.

No not them, the health blokes with the secret plots to take over the world…


A response by a person of ‘it stops us being wage slaves’ got re-tweeted. I have to agree (cough because I wrote it cough). {Tweets by @WHO}

I was tired and derpessed* yesterday, not in the complete depths but stressed, anxious, tired and not coping ,rather than thinking ‘there’s no point’ which is an important distinction to make.

I cannot have children.
I suck at my job.
Being depressed makes my wife worry/unhappy.
Unlike the Buddha I don’t believe in reincarnation (dibs on female Brazilian white knee tarantula if I’m wrong!)

I would like to find hobbies fulfilling but they are more social and I’ve learned that most nerds are in it for the game not the socialising. This might change with my re-surge in Infinity who knows. But it’s not something worth ‘living’ for as ultimately it will disappoint.
Religion has left that gap and there’s not a lot filling it at the moment.

I guess this means I’m at the melancholic stage of derpession* where I’m functional but just not happy.


I call it derpession because everything goes derpy.

Hyperbole & Peace

A.K.A. the ‘Freedom-Truth-Sheeple-Anti-NWO Rant’

I was chatting with a colleague on the way home from work and we got onto the subject of conspiracy theories. It had evolved from a flippant comment about solving the issue of the death penalty in the US (and to an extent the resurgence in people who want to re-instate it here in the UK) after the botched lethal injection a few years ago in the US.
I suggested it would be quicker, cheaper and easier as well as arguably more humane to line them up and machine-gun them all a lá China or the Nazis. My main flaw/strength in rhetoric taking things to their logical conclusion, however twisted that logic might be.

Injecting people on gurneys is just as violent as machine gunning them. It doesn’t involve hypocritical medical professionals (do no harm?) who are there, nor is it a spectacle to be watched by the aggreived’s family.

That’s not even touching the fact that I am opposed to the death penalty as a criminal punishment. I seem to fall into the odd category of ‘pro-life’ person (in that I am against elective abortion) who is also against the death peanlty. Which is a sad state of affairs to have to make that distinction.

Despite this, I would not call myself a pacifist though. While I would love a world without violence (and were I President of the World I know I would be tempted to use force to hypocritically attempt to ‘enforce’ peace). I think in our world that there is a grim reality of the notion that “We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us”. This is why I like the concept of Jack Bauer so much. He is a rough man, does horrendous things but arguably for the right reasons.

I remember at a Quaker meeting some 6 years ago, there was an elderly lady who had a button badge that said ‘Imagine Peace’ and it struck me remarkably. We got chatting and I had to agree that I thought it was actually really profound. After all you have to be able to imagine something before it can happen. Even in our material world, anything lasting and good, has to be designed, thought out and detailed before being fabricated. Somewhere someone has to imagine the end result and then try to achieve that.

It seems that most blogs end with some pseudo-whimsical nostalgic post designed to ease the mental strain that reading them has put you through. This isn’t most blogs.

Sad Clegg

Sad Clegg

Poor Cleggy, being used and abused. At least now he knows what it feels like to have people break promises and stab you in the back.

Let us all reflect on these moments with… ‘sad clegg’



I’m in the midst of updating this – trying to separate out the D&D content to and turn this into a more personal blog.

To top that I’m ill with some sort of achey virus thing thats throwing me. o.O

I won FNM

Last night I won 3/3 rounds (2-1,2-1,2-0) at our gaming club Southampton Sluggaz where our FLGS sponsors/sanctions us. I was using my not cutting edge Black/Green golgari deck (necromantic – nature style thing)

There were a lot of tense games, and some very silly ones (where we both drew out land for 7 turns straight, 2 where my opponent was on 50+ life (killed by Vraska’s Assassins  and then by sheer combat damage!) and other silly shenanigans.

Afterwards I played a bit of modern and went 1-1 vs Mizzet storm and won vs W/G hexproof. considering I’d only come along to paint and maybe repair terrain. My opponent graciously gave me a lift home too.

So that was a nice evening. Considering I’d been tired and not going out much this reflowering was quite lovely.

On that front my endo has said that my body is short on some essential chemicals and hopefully next thursday I’ll start on them. Hopefully I won’t go into ‘roid rage!


I got a tooth extracted recently and was instructed not to drink alcohol or smoke for 24 hours. Not exactly a big problem for me though I did miss my ‘Pipe Sunday’ relaxation on the balcony as a result!

It got me thinking though – Nicotine has been with the human race for quite a while. Perhaps not as long as alcohol I suspect, but still old enough to have been thoroughly engrained in history and even religion in various cultures.


In and of itself, nicotine, named for Jean Nicot a French explorer, is a rather toxic alkaloid derived from tobacco.

As an aside – I’m theoretically a bit of a flower-fan. I once considered studying botany but when I realised that most jobs/courses were about farming/agriculture/crop yield improvement/etc. I lost interest.

I include the ‘theoretically’ caveat as I don’t know any Latin names (‘pinkus flowerum’, subspecies ‘nicesmellin’) but I do like the genetics and biochemistry of plants and their derivatives. I used to help my mum a lot with gardening and flower-arranging. (An uncommon skill for a man to have but non-the-less has been useful on more than one occasion!)

Anyway, tobacco is in the nightshade family, which also includes belladonna, potatoes, tomatoes as well as tobacco and each of these are pretty cool in their own place throughout history. (Though my favourite flower is the snapdragon!)

Belladonna gives us atropine which cures nerve gas but was originally used as a cosmetic (and even today is rarely used for eye dilation in children). Apparently the berries are dark round and sweet (looking a bit like mini-tomatoes due to their familial relationship?)

Potatoes – the plant itself is poisonous but the tuberous root (id est ‘the spud’) is the edible part. Although I am Irish I am not a fan of potatoes, usually due to the varieties which we get in Ireland being horrid!

Tomatoes – basically red edible belladonna berries. The leaves are poisonous towards humans as they contain the toxic alkaloids.

Tobacco – looks a little like a potato plant but has tiny tiny roots and contains nicotine, the stimulant of subject here.

I think it’s interesting that nicotine as a drug it has several positive as well as negative effects. Like many other poisonous plant derived alkaloids – cocaine for example is an anaesthetic as well as an illegal stimulant, caffeine is actually deadly in sufficient doses too!

What’s interesting is that recently, society seems to be programmed to see ‘nicotine = cancer’, rather than the actual pros and cons. Indeed cancer is very bad, but so is hypertension from being stressed, or suicide from depression or whatever other myriad of reasons people smoke. Indeed some historians credit the British provisioning of fags to their soldiers as a significant part of winning the war (more alert, more able to focus) compared to the vehemently anti-smoking Nazis. (Poor German soldiers – must have been hard to get a cigarette!)

What I find a little irritating is how alcohol is more damaging than pretty much every other drug short of cyanide as well as being a depressant and yet is more tolerated in the UK. It may be that if you are drinking it only you take it in whereas smoke can travel (I don’t agree with smoking in pubs, workplaces, cars with children etc)

In the US alcohol is less socially acceptable (until you’re 21!) but tobacco use is more historically engrained there and there appears to be less stigma.

Another thing is the attitude of addiction, I don’t need my pipe, I don’t even ‘want’ it most of the time. I can take or leave it, it is a past-time or a hobby. A rather patient device it can just sit and wait until there’s a nice Sunday afternoon or calm evening. In ‘the olden days’ cigars or cigarettes seemed to be more of a celebratory indulgence – like a glass of spirits, not something to have continiously but only on jolly occasions. And I think, like alcoholism we’ve gone far away from that and as a result it is being stigmatised. So much so that I now bear the label of a ‘smoker’ even though I smoke approximately 0.3 cigarettes pert day!

This website gets 10/10…

I learned only today that as many as a third of online reviews are fake. Some of you might say ‘no surprise’ and I guess it depends where these reviews are from but even taken that it is interesting though not surprising when I think about it.

I have personally seen (rival) companies who have bought ‘likes’ on facebook. Ditto with twitter followers and so on.

I have a friend who is on Amazon vine, gets expensive thing for free and writes (usually prositive) reviews. I know whenever I review an expensive branded electronic non-geek item I get down voted to oblivion since I’m a “cutting edge hard ass internet badass” according to my reviews. Because I think shelling out an extra £199 for another .1ghz in your cpu and an extra 2gB of ram on a laptop compared with another model is stupid, this is bad since the product (in a vacuum) is good. Apparently. #notbitteratnotbeingonamazonvine

And literally today I discovered that the US military is actively planning a mass social media propaganda campaign.

While one can guess that all governments and politicians use social media/the internet to spread their version of propaganda, this time they’re taking it a step further.

Where does this lead me – well essentialy mass public use of the internet is young. The 60 year old with life wisdom and experience is less than or equal to the 12 year old with the latest apps. Inbetween them are the ‘metasploiters’- politicians, professional journalists/bloggers/writers (because typist sounds dull and keyboard warrior is condescending)

Anyone with the will and means (ie getting paid to do it) can become an ‘influencer’ and manipulate our views. The internet is easy to manipulate. I recall a poll on abortion in Northern Ireland getting more votes for ‘yes’ than people who actually live in Northern Ireland.

The reason is that honesty is difficult, transparancy is difficult because when you say ‘56% of people support the rights of Dogs to eat cats’ which people, what did you ask them, how did you ask them? Our information is often in ‘headline form’. The headline ‘56% of Jews are exclusivly gay’ is misleading if those Jews were attending the annual Jewish LGBT conference. Sampling is an area of science that has to be carefully chosen and controlled, the same applies for the so called ‘social sciences’.

Magna est Veritas et Praevalet

I don’t get it

I don’t get blogging. I know that this is one, but the reality is that I want to use it to display my nerdisms and wordpress is easier to use for that than proper website software.
But I really don’t get it.

There are blogs about everything – that’s a given, though one particular type of blog annoys me. Blogs about blogging. (Not blog posts, but whole dedicated professional blogs about it)

Specifically ones which are written by someone apparantly famous whom I’ve never heard of, (presumably because I’m not ‘in’ that crowd) usually with a ‘bold’ sense of fashion (because words aren’t enough these days), who dispesnes advice on such topics as blogging, CONTENT, increasing readership, CONTENT, marketing, CONTENT and creating content.

You need to make content. Isn’t the writing of a blog by defintion content? Or is it make conTENT as in ‘make love’? – make content, for you are average at life and need to learn to live normally like everyone else?

I tend to choose the former, clearer defintion of making as creating content, though as mentioned, actually writing the blog is creating content. But writing about writing your blog is content so actually it’s just a large circle of smoke and mirrors.

Maybe it’s the persona, the projected Artisté with the aura of slightly detached superiority who, in my weaker moments, makes me feel less worthy of sharing the internet with them. Maybe its the fact that since entering marketing I have found it more and more ephermeal with very little substance. Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of good marketing things to do (email your contacts, generate leads, research competition, customer profiles, make materials and so on) but it’s the vague ‘create content to engage your audience’ that bugs me. Take this:

The key to success in 2014 and beyond is coordinating and synchronizing your content marketing with your marketing automation and marketing analytics.

Content is what ultimately connects you with customers and prospects. It is that builds trust, especially as some data-driven marketing pushes consumers into….

Well that is sort of *your* content to engage *your* audience. What does it say – to succeed automatically synchronise your marketing based on your analytics? It’s that not blindingly obvious? This is what makes me worry – either there’s a lot of idiots out there with a lot of influence or else I’m totally missing the point. I’m genuinely not sure any more.

Additionally very little in the commercialised world is free. Yet advice is to give something to the reader. Advice they can get anywhere unless you are an expert, in which case you’re most likely a professional in which case you probably don’t want to give your secrets away. (It’s different for hobby bloggers but they’re not the people I’m targeting here)

Finally where will it lead? – newsgroups led to message boards led to forums lead to blogging leading to microblogging. In the future when we all have iBrains and can directly connect to each other at near-light speed until it becomes a battle of wills and the looser’s head explodes?

My wife tells me there’s a social component to blogging. it’s never happened for me because I simply don’t read that many other blogs and don’t comment since it’s all opinion. There’s a reason I don’t live on social networks – I know from experience (ie my option) that there’s a lot of idiots, trolls, timewasters and so on. I’ve given up crusading as it’s very difficult to have meaningful ‘conversations’ or change opinion via the internet.

Maybe it’s fear of a total Crash that makes me worry, or maybe it’s because I’m not that sociable online, or because I don’t have time, or because I’m trying not to care.

Though really it’s because I’d rather sit outside with my pipe watching silly youtube videos not arguing with the legions of gibbering clowns that haunt it’s comment pages.

Someone is wrong on the Internet